Well, it might not be the greatest show on earth, but it is big, takes over the city and lasts a month. So what can you expect of Edinburgh at festival time?
The city itself
There’s something very Hogwarts about Edinburgh, a little like Bath, a bit like Oxford, but really, like neither. With its imposing castle, craggy green hills and parks, and pointy stone buildings, it’s very pretty, but the stained black stone and narrow winding closes hint at a grimy underbelly. If you arrive by train you’ll be lucky to find your way out of Edinburgh’s Waverley Station, which combines railway tracks with roads, taxis, buses, cars, bridges, and tunnels. It’s like one of those mathematical maze drawings, with a smattering of typical railway chain stores in case you get lost and need a pre-packed sandwich.
The weather
Yes, this is an important observation – it’s August, the middle of summer, and while the locals are wearing t-shirts and flip flops, I’m decked out in a tshirt, long-sleeves, jumper and jacket. But I’m still cold. It veers between windy and sunny, cold and rainy, and the more peculiar sunny and rainy. Edinburgh makes London look like a tropical beach resort. But the venues are often stifling inside. Advice: Wear layers, and pretend its winter.
Deforestation by pamphleteering
By the time you’ve walked two metres you will hold half of the world’s rainforests in the palm of your hand. Pamphlets, brochures, postcards and two-for-one tickets are being thrust at you from every direction, and plaster all free wall space in restaurants, cafes, bars and on light posts, garbage bins or building hoardings… so much for creative types being environmentalists.
Tourists-vs-residents
You’re not alone, nor will you ever be. A city that has only about half-a-million residents hosts about 1.5 million visitors for the festival. This means the only hotels with vacancy signs are the ones that are still advertising “colour tv” as if it’s a new invention. Then again, even some of them are full. Book early. And where are these people all coming from? The whole of London’s arts community has decamped here, as have those of Spain, Korea, Japan, and anywhere in between. But the bulk of accents seem to belong to US college students, and most of the Fringe employees and half the shows in the Speigeltent seem to be Australian.
The performers
Edinburgh provides a sort of community service for towns all over the world. In attracting all the street theatre nuts, it gives residents of other cities a respite from buskers, contortionists, men escaping chains, jugglers, accordion players, fire eaters, and people painted silver pretending to be statues. For one month only. And remember, if you’re in Edinburgh there is no respite from street theatre. There are an estimated 18,626 performers at the Fringe alone this year, and although they’re not all posing as the Statue of Liberty, there’s a fair chance many are.
The venues
Every empty space is an arts venue during the festival: restaurants, theatres, church halls, tents, university buildings, pubs, street corners. The Fringe alone commands 250 venues. The only place in town offering entertainment that didn’t seem to be associated with the festival was a strip club, with a lonely looking man touting half-heartedly for business as people ignored him. Beware though, you will still struggle to find your venue. There will be no signs and you might even run into a performer searching for their own show.
The choice
Imagine a place where you can see an author, catch a film, watch a play on the hour every hour of every day, then get some music, comedy, or dancing. The arts have collided and created heaven. But if you’re an indecisive person this could be living hell. The Fringe features 31,000 performances of 2,050 shows over one month. Then there is the Film Festival, the Book Festival, the Military Tattoo, Edinburgh International Festival, the Edinburgh Art Festival, Jazz Festival… and so on.
The reality
The law of Edinburgh says that if you want to see something, so do 1.5 million others, so everything you want to see will be sold out. But you’ll find something else to see, which may or may not be the next gem that all the reviewers jump on and that will be sold out the following day. Shows I attempted to see that were sold out include Tony Blair: The Musical, Simon Amstell, England, Scarborough, Age of Angels, Frank Skinner, and too many others to list.
Queues
You will queue for tickets, then shows, then drinks, food, and toilets, transport, and probably everything else. But you are British, so you’ll enjoy it.
Ageism
Audiences seem to be the young, mainly students, and the old – retired folk. Those who have the time. There’s a big gap in the middle of 30-40 somethings, who are off in their day jobs keeping the country afloat economically, and dash in for evenings and weekends.
The locals
If you’ve never been to Scotland before yes, they do wear kilts, and they do deep fry everything – try the haggis pakora from the Indian van near Underbelly, and you might understand this culture better. They offer “Traditional” Indian snacks (their quote marks, not mine). The vendor says, in his thick Scottish accent, that he “sells loads” of haggis pakora. But if you can overlook the addiction to cholesterol, the Scots are really very friendly, and their generosity in opening up Edinburgh to the world each year should not be underestimated.
Exhaustion
You will not sleep. There’s too much to see.
