The Literary
Review’s 20th annual award for the most embarrassing passage of
sexual description in a novel does not include E.L. James’ 50 Shades of Grey
or J.K. Rowling’s Casual Vacancy in the shortlist – as one might expect.
The prize’s
purpose ‘is to draw attention to the crude, badly written, often perfunctory
use of redundant passages of sexual description in the modern novel, and to
discourage it’. 50 Shades of Grey wasn’t included in the shortlist
because ‘the prize is not intended to cover pornographic or expressly erotic
literature’, and Casual Vacancy missed the shortlist, despite being a
hotly tipped contender, because the writing just wasn’t bad enough.
It takes a
pretty mean shortlist to bump Rowling off the list, with this excerpt
from Casual Vacancy, ‘He retained a memory of her bare pink vulva; it
was as though Father Christmas has popped up in their midst…he forced his way
inside her, determined to accomplish what he had come for…Krystal moaned a
little. Her head thrown back, her nose became broad and snout-like.’
The award
was established by Literary Review’s former editor Auberon Waugh,
because he was convinced that publishers were encouraging novelists to include
sex scenes solely in order to increase sales.
One of the
award’s judges, Jonathan Beckman,
explained ‘The awkwardness and evasion with which some writers describe
sex, however, frequently point to more widespread stylistic flaws…the award
uses sex writing to show how sentences should be written and paragraphs
constructed, what makes them fly and what makes them fail.’
This year’s
shortlist includes:
- The Yips by Nicola
Barker - The Adventuress by Nicholas
Coleridge - Infrared by Nancy Huston
- Rare Earth by Paul Mason
- Noughties by Ben Masters
- The Quiddity of
Will Self
by Sam Mills - The Divine
Comedy
by Craig Raine - Back to Blood by Tom Wolfe
Last year’s prize was awarded to David Guterson for Ed King,
published by Bloomsbury.
Extracts via The Guardian from the shortlisted novels
The Quiddity of
Wilf Self,
by Sam Mills
‘Down, down, on to the eschatological bed. Pages chafed me; my
blood wept onto them. My cheek nestled against the scratch of paper. My
cock was barely a ghost, but I did not suffer panic.’
Noughties, by Ben Masters
‘We got up from the chair and she led me to her elfin grot, getting amongst
the pillows and cool sheets. We trawled each other’s bodies for every inch
of history.’
Back to Blood, by Tom Wolfe
‘Now his big generative jockey was inside her pelvic saddle, riding,
riding, riding, and she was eagerly swallowing it swallowing it swallowing
it with the saddle’s own lips and maw — all this without a word.’
Rare Earth by Paul Mason
‘He began thrusting wildly in the general direction of her chrysanthemum,
but missing — his paunchy frame shuddering with the effort of remaining
rigid and upside down.’
The Yips by Nicola
Barker
‘She smells of almonds, like a plump Bakewell pudding; and he is the
spoon, the whipped cream, the helpless dollop of warm custard.’
Infrared by Nancy Huston
‘This is when I take my picture, from deep inside the loving. The Canon is
part of my body. I myself am the ultrasensitive film — capturing invisible
reality, capturing heat.’
The Divine
Comedy
by Craig Raine
‘And he came. Like a wubbering springboard. His ejaculate
jumped the length of her arm. Eight diminishing gouts. The first too high
for her to lick. Right on the shoulder.’
The Adventuress:
The Irresistible Rise of Miss Cath Fox by Nicholas Coleridge
‘In seconds
the duke had lowered his trousers and boxers and positioned himself across
a leather steamer trunk, emblazoned with the royal arms of Hohenzollern
Castle. ‘Give me no quarter,’ he commanded. ‘Lay it on with all your
might.”
The
Award will be announced December 4, 2012 at the Naval and Military Club (known
as the In and Out club).
Follow
the progress on twitter @Lit_Review
or hash tag #LRBadSex2012
to join the debate.
