Image: A different type of Art
Looking for work is a full time job – one that can feel tiresome, demoralising and anxiety inducing. Receiving the news that you have been unsuccessful with an application or interview tests our resilience, and it can be easy to slip into a negative mind frame or a cycle of blame.
Dr Brian Graetz, General Manager Research and Child, Youth & Families at beyondblue told ArtsHub the job seeking process is stressful for anyone.
‘If you are going through a series of job interviews and you are not getting the offer, it’s pretty easy to feel downhearted about it all,’ he said.
‘But the first thing to acknowledge is that you shouldn’t try to minimize the feelings or treat it like something you should brush off… be real about the difficulty of it and how to deal with,’ said Graetz.
How can you build resilience in a competitive job market? Along with Graetz, we ask career coaches Nicole Underwood and Alex Kingsmill to share their advice on how to deal with rejection and improve your chances of success in the job search.
Don’t take it personally
When processing rejection, it’s important to put it in perspective, said Graetz, and remind yourself that ‘you have a lot to offer and effectively and it’s unfortunate that it is their loss as much as anything.’
This requires a reframe in thinking which puts a focus on what the job required, rather than feelings of negativity towards your own skills and talents.
‘It’s a reframe … it is important to acknowledge that they may appreciate you have good skills and talents, they just wanted something else. So it’s not a reflection of you, but simply a reflection that the job fit wasn’t what you really had.
‘I think its important not to buy into the rejection of me “this is all about me”. If you can look at it from the perspective that it is around the situation, a mix about job and fit, and then some extent their capacity to identify and see your skills and talents, it’s a good way of protecting your own mental health to some extent,’ said Graetz.
Acknowledge the disappointment
It is normal to feel disappointed if you didn’t get the job, and it’s best to process those feelings instead of letting them lurk beneth the surface.
Alex Kingsmill, Director and Life Coach, Upstairs told ArtsHub people often forget to feel disappointed. ‘I think it’s okay to feel disappointed if you don’t get the job you wanted,’ she said.
Acknowledging that it’s difficult and talking to friends or family can help you feel supported and build resilience, said Graetz. ‘One of the things about being resilient is knowing when you need to debrief or talk to others. It’s important when you feel like that you talk to family and friends.’
Kingsmill reminded us that the key is to move on: ‘It’s okay to think “that’s crap I really wanted it” and to feel that disappointment and acknowledge it, but also push it to one side and move on.’
Try to recover some of the control
Looking for work can feel disempowering because it’s up to someone else as to whether you get an interview, or a job offer, said Kingsmill. ‘You can be brilliant and amazing and have done all this good stuff but it’s really their call so it’s completely out of your hands.’
To keep yourself motivated, Kingsmill recommends recovering some of the control: ‘Job seeking is very outcome focused, it’s about getting the job. One of the ways to feel more autonomous is to focus instead on how you want to feel. Rather than saying, “Okay, well I want this job” – you are going to still do that of course as you are in that process – but saying, “In this process how do I want to feel and how do I want to go about it?”
‘If you are focusing on how you want to feel, it’s about feeling positive, basing it on your values and who you are,’ said Kingsmill.
It is important to find practical ways to experience those feelings or values separate from the job search itself. If you want to feel like you are kind, then volunteer, call your mum, be nice to your little sister.
‘They sound trivial but it is a way you can retain control over your own life when it feels like someone is making all the decisions for you,’ said Kingsmill.
Similarly, creating focus and clarity is a great way to maintain control as your job search is more targeted.
When Nicole Underwood, Managing Director of Nicole Underwood Recruitment, works with clients who are experiencing difficulties finding work, the first thing she asks is if they have a clear career plan. ‘It can be good to reflect on all the jobs you have had and work out which jobs you have liked the most and which cultures have you enjoyed the most and that way you can get clearer for the jobs you are targeting and the organisations.’
Get comfortable with being uncomfortable
Looking for work involves risk, putting yourself out there, dealing with uncertainty and getting comfortable with the uncomfortableness, Underwood said. ‘In the coaching that we do, we find that people make their biggest breakthroughs when they are uncomfortable in terms of their learning or taking action when it is foreign to them or putting themselves outside their comfort zone helps them learn,’ she said.
‘If you are a job seeker and you always apply for your jobs on the same job platform and get your alert every day and go through and apply for those, that’s only one technique – so get uncomfortable, try something else.’
Targeting organisations you would love to work for, being bold and making a phone call, walking into the shop and speaking to the manager can broaden your opportunities, said Underwood. ‘They are things that people are generally uncomfortable with and won’t do, so the chance to stand out for the crowd to stand out and do something different. Being really proactive in getting outside you comfort zone can generate a different result.’
Stay persistent and innovative
Spending months job hunting can feel tiresome, but it is often determination that pushes a job candidate over the line, said Underwood, ‘It’s true for a lot of things that persistence really counts in the end.’
Staying positive and building resilience is about persistence, said Underwood. ‘You’ve got to keep going and have that determination and I think the more someone takes things personally it’s only going to get the better of them.’
Use rejection from a job opportunity as an opportunity to improve, develop and learn about yourself and what you like and dislike. It’s also a chance to innovate your approach, explained Underwood.
‘Let’s say after six months someone was trying to break into the wine industry and they just couldn’t break through, then my advice would be to go to an offshoot industry or a feeder industry, so maybe labelling or cork supply. Something aligned because often when we are recruiting we will see those similar industries and then you go they were either a supplier or a client so there are some benefits in that.’
Don’t lose yourself in the process
There is a tendency to become despondent when we experience rejection and often stop doing things that are important to our mental health, said Graetz, who recommends that as much as possible, you continue to do the things you enjoy.
‘Whether it is exercise, going out with friends, or catching up with family, be mindful that those are the things that keep you sane and make you feel good about yourself,’ he said.
Kingsmill said it is important not to lose sight of who you are in the job searching process. ‘You become this kind of person who is answering key selection criteria and you forget who you really are, she said, ‘But you want to feel as though you were able to be yourself during that process.’
Expanding on Graetz’s advice to keep doing things you enjoy, Kingsmill said it’s the little things that make the job seeking process more manageable. ‘Focus on what matters to you. It’s really about what matters to you in your everyday life and how you want to live. Yeah, you’ve got to write these boring job applications, but who are you and how do you want to live despite the fact the fact you are feeling really down about this process?’
‘If you can return to that place – return to who you are – and find really practical steps to do that, then you are going to feel much more positive and it will inform your job seeking process as well,’ said Kingsmill.
Stay positive
It’s not only the rejection and discomfort that can make the job search difficult, but also the financial burden and worry. Talking to friends and family and thinking outside the box can help you feel empowered and aid positive thinking.
Underwood said: ‘There is that whole fear of “How am I going to make ends meet? What am I going to do?” but there is that old proverb “this too shall pass”.
‘I know that sounds a little bit flippant, but it really is about getting your mindset into the positive and really looking at okay, well, yes you have lost your job, where is the positive in terms of that?’
Viewing the job seeking process as an opportunity to reassess, or an opportunity to try something new, or spend more time with family can help put you in a positive mindset which enables you to approach employers and interviews with confidence.
‘It’s trying to look at the little positive that you can in a situation that is causing stress and angst to get that mindset flip. When you interview someone in a negative mindset it goes against them,’ said Underwood.
